My Big Gay Lesbian Summer.

I know that title reads like the opening credits of a low-budget porn,

but my summer really was pretty gay....but just, well, asexual.

So like any good single lesbian nerd I took solace in the products of my queer ancestors and consumed a lot of gay media past and present....like, a lot of it. Perhaps a shameful amount?

It of course began with the abyss that is Lesbian Film.

First was Bloomington, a modern take on the 1930's german lesbian film, Mädchen in Uniform. I'm not even going to really get into this one, it was so horribly uncomfortable. The 'college student' looked 16, first of all, so already I was like: "Shut it down." The assertive, but really--predatory professor's interest made little sense, the ambivalence on the part of the student was equally absurd....and the ending was pathetic.

Fail.

And then there was Fried Green Tomatoes, an adaptation of the novel Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Cafe. I still have not read the novel, but based on what I've read on the internet machine, the book is apparently more direct as to the sexual nature of Idgie and Ruth's relationship. The movie is all subtext, but the kind of subtext that hits you over the head again, and again, and...

Yeah, basically, it's MAIN-text without any make-out scenes. It even has the requisite sad-lesbian ending. Hurray?
Not to mention how cute Idgie is:

Bee charmer, indeed.

This film is a...

Kind-of-win.

And finally, there was the Swedish film Kyss Mig (Kiss Me). I watched it on a whim, expecting little better than my reaction to the dreaded Bloomington. And maybe it was my uncharacteristic decision to get stoned and the androgynous Swedes driving all the Volvos, but I actually really liked the movie. Yes, it was the classic lesbian trope: engaged straight girl meets attractive free-spirited out lesbian, lesbian gets straight girl via osmosis lady feelings, lesbian loses straight girl because OPPRESSION, straight girl realizes her fiance sucks, lesbian gets straight girl back, 10-second make-out scene, roll credits.

But this movie ALSO had a nice budget (which I'm not used to), a really lovely minimalist score, solid acting (I mean, I think it was? it was in Swedish) and a sex scene that was both uncensored and non-male-gazey.  Which made me think, if you're going to watch a typical lesbian movie with all the straight marriage goes awry bullshit , it may as well be this one. 

a Win for your money

Maybe Blue is the Warmest Color will break the curse and actually stand on its own as a good piece of cinema? (I don't think we've had a good one since High Art). We finally have a trailer, but I'm pissed the production team chose not to release the film in time for consideration for the Oscars. And the Oscars won't change their rules.... so, guess we'll wait for the Golden Globes.

Future Win.

I also read a lot of gay books this summer. Not so much to identify with them personally (because Lez be honest, I'm a pretty well-established homo) but because I'm embarrassed I haven't read these books as said established homo/feminist.

In my defense, I did a re-reading of Stone Butch Blues and Fun Home...also not featured in this picture are some other lesbian staples I'd already read in my formative baby-dyke years (Annie on My Mind, Am I Blue? Vagina Monologues, etc). But reading the rest, featured above, had to be done sometime...

Obviously, I loved the new Bechdel graphic memoir Are You My Mother? 
Bechdel's voice is so mature and her analysis of her life and her mother's is so fascinating you forget that Bechdel's claim to fame wasn't memoir but lesbian-centered graphic novels...and it is this observation that defines, for me, the major difference between good and bad lesbian fiction. If the narrative can stand on its own, outside of a queer context, the book/film/whatever tends to have staying power in my mind. Even though Bechdel was first known for her comic strip Dykes to Watch Out For, her work as a memoirist and creative-non fiction writer stands outside her fame as a lesbian artist and creator. She has transcended her earlier status as a queer artist. And I think that needs to happen more as we move further into this century. Radclyffe Hall was a single-issue author. She's known as a lesbian writer. I don't think her work ever transcended that single-issue, and that's ok, because someone had to get the ball rolling and she had no shame in doing so. Virginia took the easy way out (wink, wink, nudge, nudge) by making her novel the focus of fantasy and magic rather than focus on the issue of lesbianism. Orlando did take a lot of courage to write, however, and brings into question the idea of gender as a binary...whether our identity has very much to do, if at all, with our cis-gender. So good for you Virginia, and way to walk into that lake like a BAMF.

I think the weakest novel in the bunch was Ruby Fruit Jungle. Its writing is amateurish, its protagonist's philosophy is inconsistent, and over-all the tone is just angry and ignorant. Not to mention the obscure acceptance of incest at the end there.... like... WTF? This novel screamed angry lesbian. Like, don't get me wrong, I'm angry too, but damn...

All was not lost, however, because then I read Alice Walker's The Color Purple and I too praised god. This novel, like Bechdel's Fun Home, transcends its lesbian content and stands as a solid work of fiction. It was a great story....and that's really all that needs to be said. It's a story I could re-read, and I think it needs to be required reading in the public schools. Because fuck The Catcher in the Rye. Overrated.

Let's see, what else.

I've already discussed the awesomeness that is Orange is the New Black, and then there was Orphan Black (yeah, I don't know what's up with this color theme either...) with the wonderfully talented Tatiana Maslany. She plays about 9 different clones, all with wildly different looks and personalities and accents, one of them being this adorable micro-biologist named Cosima

who is adorably gay.

Oh, there's also Esperanza Spalding's music video that I only just discovered. 

That bass line she plays is pure sex, btw. I learned that in music school.

I don't know what else. Gay summer. Concluded.

P.S. This

The Color....Orange?

You Guys....

There's this show, on the internet machine and it's about prison, and the color orange--I guess, and the racial-dynamic power-role inter-workings of a broken judicial system due to the socio-economic instability of a capitalist.....

Ya, never mind. 





IT'S ABOUT A BUNCH OF WOMEN IN PRISON! WUUTT....!

First thing's first,
Orange is the New Black.
(lame title, I know)
But there's actually nothing else lame about this show. Everything else is perfect. No, I'm serious.

The theme song is Perfect

hey Regina, heyyyy


The cast is all women save one dude, the writers are almost all women, the creator is the lady who created WEEDS. So, Perfect.

There's lesbians, there's bisexuals, there's a trans M-to-F who's story will make you cry and squeeze your girl-friend....or, pillow.

So we're off to a good start, right? Oh, speaking of starts, this is one of the opening scenes of the first episode.

Is that a salt shaker tattoo? Weird.

But who cares!? 

Because this!

hhho-man....
*ahem*

But I digress...

The show is about this pretty, seemingly naive, suburban blonde who's got the man of her dreams and wants to make artisanal soaps and lotions. Yay fun timezz. But then the law finally catches up with her (I won't tell you why) and she 'surrenders' so she only has to do 15 months in prison, instead of like, 10 years.

Shit....I'm missing game of thrones....

And she has to try and serve out her time without going nuts, basically and learn to deal with the crazy cast of characters that is Lady Prison.


And then there's this girl, former star of "That 70's Show,"

What's hotter, my glasses or pompadour? 

And there's this girl, who you might recognize




from this gay-movie-classic

There's so many other characters I'm already starting to love. Mostly because they crack my shit up. But the drama aspect of the dramedy is solid too. The writing is real good.

But what I like most about this show (because I'm gay and biased and needy) is how well developed these queer, racially diverse characters are. There isn't even a gay relationship in this show and I still feel the queer characters to be more genuine than most queer-relationship-plot-lines you'll see on T.V. The transgender female character is portrayed realistically with bravery and honesty while the former lesbian relationship of the main character is portrayed as natural and real and well..... normal?
Maybe it's due to the writing, but there's certainly a strong undercurrent of realism behind all of this dramedy. And I can't wait to keep watching.

However, I'm curious to know what others may think of this show--others with a deeper understanding of the U.S. prison system. Is this an accurate portrayal of a women's prison? The comedy of the show opaques the more gritty and depressing aspects of what I would think prison is really like....which is likely misleading to many American viewers. Should this be entertainment? If you can see past the comedy, the show seems to illuminate some of the horrors of prison...the racism and white privilege and patriarchal structuring. I guess I'm wondering if comedy has a place in the serious subject of the judicial system that is so so broken in this country.

I think the show balances well between comedy and realism. The homophobia and transphobia of some of the inmates and the warden, for example, is real. It's expressed realistically. Same goes for the race divisions in the prison. And the issue of fair sentencing and solitary confinement is discussed seriously by the characters and expressed through some of the plot developments. So I personally don't feel offended by the sometimes light-heartedness of the show....yet. Because lez be honest, I'm white and middle class and privileged and I don't know what prison is about, really.

The internet machine is a-buzz with positivity and I'm trying to not read too much BuzzFeed or Tumblr because the spoilers be everywhere.

Now if you'll excuse me.... I have some binging to do.

Because I'm an American.


And because this.

You're welcome.

P.S.

The director of the third or fourth episode (I can't remember) is none other than

Jodie 'look-at-those-guns' Foster

Praise the lesbo goddesses.

MidwesternNightsDream


The air was soup
as I sipped
through
my black-tar lungs
beating time
down I-44

And on the horizon was Everest incarnate.

A giant moon,
sherbet orange
sinking into the flatlands
beyond the Mississippi
as the billboards winked
         
                                       and giggled
                       
                                                                               and bled across my vision.
                                     
                                                           

I laughed with giddy insurrection-

It's the end of the world, babe--I said.

I know....she said
and kept driving,
Missouri soup
kissing our faces.

It's the End-of-the-World-Moon.

White lines gave chase along side me
z
i
p

z
i
p
and a dying moon setting
z
i
p

z
i
p
I could smell the hops
z
i
p

z
i
p

z
i
p

z
i
p
tasted the river-air
z
i
p

z
i
p

z
i
p
You lie with your eyes.....
z
i
p

z
i
p
she said.
z
i
p

z
i
p
I know
z
i
p

z
i
p

z
i
p
But I'm just looking at you.


And we drove towards the dying globe,
a never-changing mass
of rock
and dust
that screamed across our eyes
in an infinite descent
of magnanimous meaning
and significance
so that we forgot
who we were
and where we were going,
suspended by white lines
and diesel and wonder
while sweet meadow-grass
hummed against my nostrils.

I put my hand on her thigh
and closed my eyes
as we drove
towards inferno,
each seeking
to stay in place--
suspended on an axis
of open sky
and dotted lines
under the sick moon
of my weeping gaze.

Blue Is A Pretty Gay Color

THERE'S A NEW MOVIE COMING OUT, Y'ALL

And I'm real excited for it. I have no idea when it will be in the states but it's already been to France, where it's brilliance hails from. 

Based off the French graphic novel Blue is the Warmest Color by Julie Maroh, titled "Blue Angel" for the novel and "Blue is the Warmest Color" for the film, it's totally winning Cannes. Or, I should say, it totally WON. Big time. The Cannes Film Festival awarded the film the Palme d'Or prize (awarded for best film), which traditionally means the film can't be awarded any other prize like 'best actress' etc. However, the actresses in the film were SO AWESOME that the judges awarded the Palme d'Or to not only the film but it's leading ladies, Adèle Exarchopoulos (try saying that name) and Léa Seydoux. 

So what is it about?? Welll, first of all it's a love story (yawn) and a drama (oh boy...) BUT it's about two hot French grils (HURRAY!). One of them has blue hair.... Really, you don't need to know anything else because FRENCH GIRLS. 

Shall we watch a clip?



Aren't we excited??

From what I can tell, the story basically surrounds this one girl in high school that is kind of a tomboy (how original) but doesn't know she's gay (surprise, surprise) and then she meets this girl with blue hair (helllo) who IS gay and they fall in love and it's tumultuous and there's a lot of gay bullying (it gets better french girl!). The blue haired girl seems pretty badass, and probably changes the other girl's whole view on life and love and blah blah BUT ANYWAYS.... 

There's supposedly this crazy sex scene clocking around 15 minutes (rare for any film). And because this is a French film, you gotta know it's probably going to be the best 15 minutes of your movie-watching life. Apparently, that's all anyone at Cannes could talk about and about all anyone in the press has been focussing on. Some are calling it porn, even the author of the graphic novel thought it was over-the-top, while others are praising the scene's realism and boldness. But you have to think, if the scene was unneeded, or too graphic or tasteless, it wouldn't have won one of the biggest awards in film. Not to mention, freaking Steven Spielberg was one of the judges, who infamously ruins movies with any lesbian characters ("The Color Purple") so, even he liked it. 

And of course, this film comes at a particularly sensitive time in French LGBT legislative history, with the passing of their gay marriage bill and subsequent CRAZY FUCKING RIOTS. I just hope the film won based on it's merit not on it's controversial topic, though I'm sure the political climate helped garner most of its initial attention. 

Either way, I'm just excited the film got made with a legit budget, director, cast, etc. This is in part due to the fact France has no where near the rating restrictions films in the US have to deal with. Our ratings board, the MPAA (which is fucked. up.) prevents films with gay plot-lines from getting any real funding. For example, the MPAA will slap an automatic R rating on a film if it shows a gay couple making-out but you can suggest a sex scene in a PG-13 movie if the couple is straight. So, if you want to make a gay romance film in the US, good luck getting any money. Because if you want the film to have any realism at all (kissing, sex, etc) you're going to have to accept the film will likely get an NC-17, which means limited theater releases, which means little projected profits, which means your film ain't getting made unless your producer is rich and doesn't give a fuck or you make the film boring as hell (a.k.a. almost every US lesbian film ever). 

My point with that is, that even if this French film comes to the US and comes to theaters, that infamous  sex-scene is going to be cut to shreds in order to get an R-rating. Or, the film will stay the way it is and get an NC-17 and very few people will get to see it. It's upsetting and disheartening because we have so few decent, let alone moving, lesbian films shown in the US. We're getting a lot better at having gay characters in our prime-time T.V. shows, with minor characters in film, but none that make two gay women the center of the story. And until the MPAA gets rid of it's board of old, conservative, men....it ain't getting better. 

So I'll likely be buying the film, not seeing it in theaters. It's too bad but that's how it work right now in this country. But good for France, and good for Steven Spielberg. That guy sucks a little less now. 

I'll be sure to invite y'all to my Blue is the Warmest Color movie night. 

There will be a lot of... *ahem*, re-winding.

Lesbian and the Media

I watched a new show! It's called The Fosters! And it features two hot moms!

Ok, no, that's just in my mind-grapes. The show actually features the children of the hot moms, because....dun Dun DUN!

It's about foster children.

(Why do 'family' networks have to spoon-feed us context and content?)

But obvs I'm watching the show for the HOT MOMS. Like, hello:

Hot Moms Alert. 

So, because this is ABC Family (what families watch this channel together, I wonder?), I fully expected the show to downplay the gay and up-play the Fambly ('Fambly' is defined by me as a Family that is way too moral and loving to be realistic and makes you want to vomit into your mind-grapes). But the first five minutes of the show has a 16 year old juvey girl throwing the Dyke word around so I thought 'maybe this is a little less Fambly than I thought and I like it). Plus, did I mention HOT COP MOM?

All of these foster kids (OMG GET IT??) look like they walked off the set of a disney channel movie. I'm pretty sure there's gotta be one in there. 

But anyways, HOT COP MOM is more the authoritarian in the house (hot) but it's not anything like overt gender rolling here. Actually, it's fun to pretend Cop Mom is Tarantino's Zoe Bell

  

and Assistant Principal Mom as Staceyann Chin

Just to make it gayer....

Ahem, but I'm wandering.

Anyways, the show was surprisingly balanced in the 'yes, there are lesbians moms in this diverse family of biological and adopted and foster children' and the 'but this is just a family with normal worries and trite good morning dears would you like orange juice how was work I'm folding laundry' kind of show. There's also kids in it. But who cares, AM I RIGHT?

 But no, really, this show is mostly about the kids. But it's the kind of drama where I'm wondering to myself 'yeah, I mean, I'm interested enough but I can't picture a 13-year-old watching this show and enjoying it much' because I'm pretty sure ABC Fambly is targeting the tween crowd and maybe some mom while she does the dishes. 

And if it weren't for the novelty of seeing a stable, not-pregnant, non-abused, not-bisexual for Sweeps Week lesbian couple with children, I wouldn't watch the show like....ever. 

No really. If this show were about a hetero couple with foster kids--hell, even if the ONE MOM was a cop, I wouldn't watch the show. And I wonder, is this lesbian novelty-anomaly why everyone else in America will watch the show? Sure, there will be some tweens that want to tune in for the tweensy life drama but really, aren't a lot of us--gay and straight and whatever--watching the show because it's about a family with two moms?

I can just see your average American TV-watching family tuning into this show like an exhibit at a nature museum. 

NEW AT THE SMITHSONIAN:

Lesbian Moms, an interactive exhibit

                                                    materials: air, earth, LA, breakfast foods, humans, children, gay

It's going to win some GLAAD awards. But I'm not sure how many seasons it will get after the novelty wears off. And the sad thing is--and this just shows how much the LGBT community craves media representation--the novelty probably won't wear off for the gay (especially lesbian) audience. I mean, we're STILL re-watching the L-Word on repeat via Netflix, even though we know IT's. So. Bad. For. Us.

So bad.

It's no Modern Family. At least, not so far. It's not a comedy. We can't laugh with/at the gays in this one. We either have to except that this is normal or an anomaly. And the irony here is that gay or straight, it feels like you're watching an anomaly. We never see this kind of family. Hell, I live in Ithaca and I still awkwardly stare at the lesbian couple with their cute gaybies. 

Maybe that's why we need this show? Ugh, but why do we need a show? I guess as long as adoptions by gay couples are illegal in most states and same-sex marriage only exists in some, we're going to be needing shows like this. At least to affirm our existence in the world. Or, the possibility of that kind of existence. I don't even know if I want a Fambly. But I want to know that there's famblies like this in the world. And yeah, I know there are. But I don't see them when I walk to the coffee shop and I don't see them in the movies I watch and I don't read them in my books. So, I guess I'll watch this show a little more because it's nice to see something so nice, you know? And sweet Jeysus, I can't watch the L-Word anymore, ever again. 

P.S.

OMG I forgot to mention it's produced by J-Lo. 

Send in the lols.

Poem

I Wrote this Poem because I started Reading Poems again




I think my goodbyes before she comes

Here, is magic I'm living
in so much time I can't keep track of

My face stings from yesterday's sun

I don't blush out of booze but out of passion,
seriousness.

I am serious.
Serious with sun-burn
I am doubled with passion.

Are you allergic to cats?
No.
Good.

I will see you in June.

What kind of Idea Are You?

What kind of idea are you?


I don't know what this question may mean to people outside of its context. When I first read this line, asked by the omnipotent narrator in Salman Rushdie's Satanic Verses, I was exhilarated.

What kind of idea are you?

This phrase has a little-special-power to me. It's a simple enough question when we first read it. Very short, very direct. But then we actually ask ourselves the question. We, the general reader, become the personalized 'you,' sparking the fire within the phrase. For, upon actually asking ourselves the question (not just reading it) we realize the question feels invasive...and strange.... We are not being asked who we are, or what kind of person we are... 

What kind of idea are you?

Interestingly, the scope and originality of said idea (if one was to attempt to answer the question) is entirely limited to the reader's philosophical character--their understanding of identity.The answer could change by the year or by the day, or epiphany by epiphany, depending on the person in question. It is a powerful thing to ask yourself. It detaches you from what is tangible in this world. It asks you not to be You, but to be Nothing. It reminds you that next to water you are mostly concept. For ideas are of human invention--perhaps our first one. And this is a question I would genuinely like to ask everyone, and something I'd like to ask myself everyday.



Whatever you put energy into, grows.

Miranda July has crazy eyes.

And even though I tend to roll my eyes at her over-the-top, esoteric, pseudo-magical-realism yet mundane story-lines, I concede that she is a smart lady and has some nice thoughts:

Miranda makes a point and I don't roll my eyes.

Mantras shouldn't be cheesy. They should make sense and be easy to remember. And not make you want to vomit with narcissism. I like practical mantras. I like mantras that I don't mind saying to myself even when all I want to do is flip-off the obnoxious customer infront of me. I like Miranda's because:

1. It has nothing to do with God (and thank god....)

2. It makes quantifiable sense 

3. You can think of your life-choices as plants and weeds (ok... that's bordering on cheesy)

4. I guess what I'm saying with #3 is that this mantra lends itself well to metaphors

5. I don't know what else... but it's the main reason I decided I didn't need to be on Facebook

Fear is the Mind-Killer

I'm not going to quote Dune but I will say that this paragraph has been a personal mantra of mine for years now. And I can't say it has actually done me much good on a day-to-day basis. It's not gunna cure your depression, alright? But it is empowering to read every once in a while. It's very visual. And reminds you that out of Fear comes everything else that sucks in your life. Doubt, depression, anger, envy and on and on all stems from Fear--hence 'the mind-killer' yadda yadda. Good, we all get it now. 

So go out there and grow some things, people. And think about what kind of idea you are.

And Miranda's eyes...

Those eyes!